list 15: most embarassing moments

Everyone has those moments you never, ever wish anyone would ever relive, but they're so funny you can't help but retell. These are a few of mine...because nothing is more humbling than a little humiliation amongst friends.

1. When I was about 13, I went to the mall with a group of girls to hang out and go to the movies. It was one of those things you did, hoping to catch the eye of a cute boy and awkwardly muddle your way through novice-level flirting. Of course, we didn't want our parents to drop us off anywhere near the entrance...that's entirely too embarrassing. Instead, we were dropped off waaaaaaay out at the far end of the parking lot. As my friends and I were walking toward the entrance of the mall, I spied a small group of completely cute boys about 100 yards away. Rather than watch where I was going, I watched the boys, and tried to keep up with my friends peripherally, which was disastrous. All I remember next was a loud GOOONNNNNNGGGG sound, opening my eyes to my friends looking down at me, as I lay flat on my back. I had walked, full-force, into a huge metal support beam and knocked myself out cold! All because I was looking at boys, God help me. Rather than feel badly at all, with no quiet escape home, I got to spend the rest of the evening being teased about the huge, purple goose-egg lump on my forehead. Not one of my finest moments.


2. Again, in 8th grade (apparently, a banner year for me), I was a football cheerleader and our coach was a tough cookie. For some odd reason, she had it in her head that hoop earrings were the devil. It was a home game and my mom and sister had come to watch me cheer. I was so excited! But then, as luck would have it, Coach Browning caught the glimmer of my hoop earrings. Yes, I knew the rules...but in all the excitement of the pre-game, I forgot to take them out. That woman yanked me out of that football game so fast it would make your head spin -- loudly -- and in front of our entire grandstand of fans. She didn't stop there. She chided me in front of everyone, mom included. Now, in 8th grade, I was a bit of a pistol. Did I keep my mouth shut? No. When I realized that reasoning and apologizing wasn't going to get me back to cheering, I freaked out and yelled right back. Again. Not very smart. I got to spend the rest of the half in the stands with my mom, freezing to death in a cheerleading skirt. Needless to say, that was the last year I tried out for cheerleading.
3. A number of years ago, I was driving along a busy multi-lane highway. The sun was shining and windows were down. Then, out of nowhere...I had to barf. Right. Now. Ohmygosh. Gonna barf. Holy crap, what do I do? It happened so fast, I couldn't pull over or anything! So, what do I do? I grab a Wendy's Biggie-sized cup and throw up in it. Oh, sure, seemed like a great plan...until it reached the top and I was still getting sick! (Did I mention I'm still driving, albeit radically, on the highway? Oh yes. I was praying to every saint I could think of to keep me safe because death by car accident because of random ralphing is just too humiliating for anyone.) At that point, I managed to grab a little garbage bag (which I now keep nearby at all times) and finished being sick into it, barfing, and driving with one hand. Honestly, I haven't a clue where I was going, but wherever it was, I got there safely and without throwing up on myself. What a day.

Aside from your run of the mill, laugh-til-you-pee-yourself, food-stuck-in-your-teeth kind of moments, those three are my top three most embarrassing moments. At least, those are the ones I can recall right now (denial does wonders for repression, let me tell you what.) If you know me, am I forgetting any other glorious, shiny moments of total humiliation? What are your most humiliating moments. Do tell :)